When we talk about quality time, talk of giving someone your undivided attention. This is not to sit on TV together, but that with the TV off, looking at each other's eyes sharing a focus on the other. It means going for a walk together, do things together but with fully directed attention to each other. Sometimes in a restaurant you can see the difference between a dating and marriage.
The couple look at each face, the marriage looks around. It seems that marriage is going to the restaurant to eat and be together. When we give our exclusive attention we are giving our time, we are sharing and giving our lives. That is an expression of love. The quality time, what we intimacy is forged.
An intimacy that has nothing to do with how close we are physically
each other. Nor does it mean sex. We're talking about
focus our attention on each other. We speak of unanimity look
central this quality time. If a parent roll a ball playing with
her two years, his attention is on the ball but in the child. If
shoot the ball well is talking with a customer on the phone, but is
near your child physically, we can not speak of unanimity.
When we focus attention on the other we are not talking
look us in the eyes with nothing to say or do. We talked about
do things together, where we do is not important but what is central
we are together in the activity. We can play tennis with
our partner, climb a mountain. So no matter who wins, no matter
the altitude of the mountain we're climbing. What matters is what
happens at an emotional level, we are doing something together.
Some variants of this form of expression of love.
- The quality conversation
is an important way to spend time together
quality . Talk about sharing experiences, feelings,
thoughts, opinions, desires. This is not the same as what
talked in the first language of love "words of encouragement."
Then we talked about what we say. Now perhaps we are referring more to how
listen. If I love my partner, my son, I need to listen without sue
say what I think. I can say, I can ask, but
particularly with respect and sincere attention. Sadly the conversation
can return in a competition of ideas. This should not be so, we
build mutual respect that we give freedom to express ourselves.
ILLUSTRATION - Our book in question talks about a husband who
his wife heard their problems at work. The man of resolution, we
said, "you face your problems, talk to your superiors and
confront the issue." The next day, she returned to express his displeasure in
work. He asked, "did what I said. "She lowered her head and
silent response was no. In the end, he said exasperated,
"because I do not talk about it again, if you're not going to do anything to fix
not want to hear more complaints." She retreated from the relationship until
reach a point of separation. The problem is we need to see the
marriage is not about winning an argument, to convince the other. A
sometimes just listening can do so much. Perhaps even we will not be agree, but we are not going to separate. The separation is not difference of opinion but no love. Marriage is not a project that we take to succeed as a company. It is a relationship. Here are some suggestions for the quality of our conversations
.
1. Keep eye contact with your partner when you're talking about.
2. Do not do anything else while listening, if want that to be a quality conversation.
3. Beyond the words is to understand the heart of
speech.
4. Watch the body language.
5. Do not interrupt when another is speaking .
For a good discussion perhaps we must learn to speak
. Sometimes we do not express the heart. We have stunted the
ability to express our feelings and opinions. Some in
growth never took place to express their feelings.
To have an intimate relationship we
know our feelings, to express and to understand the other.
For expression, we also influence our
different personalities. Some people get a lot of experience in the day
but is happy without counting. These people might go on a trip to Pamplona
Sevilla, talking very little, and be happy with it. At the other extreme there
whom anything that comes by hearing or sight has a
expression by mouth.
Often these two ends meet and marry . Everything is
great, a great communicator with a good listener, and vice versa. But after 5 years of marriage the communicator up one morning and
says, "Well, actually do not know him. "Good listener, on the other side says,
good, would have a break or that once was heard.
In these cases we must learn new behaviors.
Our personality really influences us, but is simply
"comfortable" that controls us. Exchange would be good for at least three things
day to each other. And one must learn to listen and
another expression. This can forge a good start of expression
mutual .
- planning activities together
do things together, usually a clear indication that his
need is quality time. The activity is irrelevant in a sense, the desire to dictate
who has the need. As an example we can take
of a couple when she was born in a house music lover
clásica y él a la pop. Cuando se casen puede ser una buena expresión de
amor el ir a un concierto. Con ello, no solamente estará expresando su
afecto sino que constituirá un banco de recuerdos de donde se podrá surtir
enb los años venideros. “Te acuerdass cuando..?”
Hay actividades como plantar flores, lavar el coche, ir al monte, etc.
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